i got to hear baby's heartbeat yesterday! pretty amazing. last doctor's appointment the doctor couldn't find it. no problems this time, though! it's really fast, 138 beats per minute. she compared it to my own heartbeat so i could understand just how fast that is. everything else at the doctor's went well, i think i've gained about 9.5 lbs so far, all my blood tests have come back negative, and apparently my uterus is "where it should be". i think that just means that i am indeed about 18 and a half weeks preggers.
ultrasound next week! which means a trip to whitehorse. the celebration of swans will be going on while we're there, and i've never been so that's a bonus. we're also gonna go to the hotsprings. although i don't think i'm supposed to soak in hot water for long. maybe they'll have a "warm" pool. or maybe i can just soak for a shorter period of time.
so i know so far i've mostly been complaining about the unsolicited advice i receive from the drunks i spend my evenings with, but they're also quite sweet and i know they care about me. lately they like to share their food with me. sometimes it's leftovers from dinner (and i hate to admit it, but the last few offerings have actually made my stomach turn...after they leave i pass it off on someone else), sometimes it's baked goods (that's mrs. 0. probably my favourite! she's making hotcross buns this weekend, of which i hope to be a recipient). sometimes berries! yogi has brought me dried cranberries and last night she gave me raspberries. the dried cranberries could become a potential "craving". i supremely enjoyed the tart flavour of those things! also in that vein, i've been really enjoying mixed greens with a little olive oil, grated parmesan and lots of fresh lemon juice. mmmmmm. and sweet, too. all of a sudden i can't take my tea without sugar.
my belly is getting hard to deny. i need to get some dun-dun-duuuuuh maternity clothes while i'm in the 'horse next week. also i need to stop by the thrift store and see what they've got. i should do that before buying new clothes.
in other news, the pets are good practise for a baby. at 6 am this morning patsy woke me up with her famous book trick...pawing open the cover and however many pages she can, then letting it drop back against whatever surface the book is sitting on. repeat as often as necessary until the bitch gets out of bed and feeds me. cilla, on the other hand, just sits by my head and whines a very soft little whine, and sometimes paws my face.
Thursday, April 14, 2011
Sunday, April 3, 2011
serenity now!
i have thick skin. i have thick skin. i have thick skin. i have thick skin.
"jeez, yer boobs're gettin' bigger!"
"yer startin' to get chubby"
(thanks bruce caley, for those two observations)
"you're going to need bigger pants soon! better call your sister up and get her to go shopping for you!"
that one was mrs. o. i think we're going to come to blows over this pregnancy, even though i love her dearly and would quite possibly ask her to watch my babe if i chose to go back to work on dayshift.
yesterday she also told me that i should be taking my prenatal vitamins in the a.m. with a glass of milk. when i told her i can't stomach them first thing, that it makes me puke, she told me that's what they're SUPPOSED to do. huh?! puke out the vitamins? that doesn't make sense. she said that's just my body getting used to new medicine. we glared at each other and then i got to do my favourite thing about bartending: walk away from a conversation without it being perceived as rude.
anyway, i happen to LIKE my little belly. i think i'm probably healthier right now than i've ever been before. so there.
i have thick skin. i have thick skin. i have thick skin. i have thick skin.
"jeez, yer boobs're gettin' bigger!"
"yer startin' to get chubby"
(thanks bruce caley, for those two observations)
"you're going to need bigger pants soon! better call your sister up and get her to go shopping for you!"
that one was mrs. o. i think we're going to come to blows over this pregnancy, even though i love her dearly and would quite possibly ask her to watch my babe if i chose to go back to work on dayshift.
yesterday she also told me that i should be taking my prenatal vitamins in the a.m. with a glass of milk. when i told her i can't stomach them first thing, that it makes me puke, she told me that's what they're SUPPOSED to do. huh?! puke out the vitamins? that doesn't make sense. she said that's just my body getting used to new medicine. we glared at each other and then i got to do my favourite thing about bartending: walk away from a conversation without it being perceived as rude.
anyway, i happen to LIKE my little belly. i think i'm probably healthier right now than i've ever been before. so there.
i have thick skin. i have thick skin. i have thick skin. i have thick skin.
Friday, April 1, 2011
moving right along
so, in the past couple of days i've made leaps and bounds into the world of adulthood. i went to the bank to talk about a mortgage and ended up with a line of credit and a tax free savings account. i've finally stopped acting like my nana and no longer keep large sums of money under the mattress.
today i found out that the bank would be willing to give me a mortgage. so the first step has been taken. i now know what i have to work with. i definitely won't be purchasing any of the 250-300,000 houses available in dawson right now. and i most likely will not be buying a lot and building a new house, either. however, do have the ability to purchase one of the 30-year old, in-need-of-repair smaller houses that occasionally become available. so. i'm underwhelmed but determined to make this work.
i heard back from my doctor about all that blood they've been taking from me. turns out my babe has no risk of strange genetic abnormalities. excellent.
also, i finally heard back from a doula! i've contacted probably a dozen women in whitehorse in the past month. three have written back to say they're unavailable, and i've received no response from the rest, until last night! a woman named lillian will be available to assist in my labour (if i choose). i've emailed off my list of questions, and am eagerly awaiting the reply. much like buying a house in the yukon, it's a bit disappointing not to have a choice here, but she seems really wonderful and i think it's going to be a good fit.
pregnancy is going swimmingly. my appetite is starting to return with a vengence, which i'm pretty excited about because if you know me, you know how i love to eat.
i'm 17 weeks along right now and i think i feel some movement, but i don't really know for sure. i sometimes feel a definite, indescribable and sustained sensation in what i figure is the right spot. i mostly experience this if i'm reclined, either lying down or leaning back against paul on the couch. so. i'm cautiously excited about that! i look forward to the next dr's appointment, when i hope to finally hear a heartbeat.
ultrasound in 3 weeks time. now THAT is exciting! while i'm down there i'll also be checking out the celebration of swans. i'm really looking forward to that!
last night i had a dream about demon babies. it was scary. that's stephen king's influence. one of the main characters in the book i'm reading is currently carrying a demon child, conceived while she was using sex to distract a demon while her friends pulled a little boy through a magical door from one world into another. no big deal.
today i found out that the bank would be willing to give me a mortgage. so the first step has been taken. i now know what i have to work with. i definitely won't be purchasing any of the 250-300,000 houses available in dawson right now. and i most likely will not be buying a lot and building a new house, either. however, do have the ability to purchase one of the 30-year old, in-need-of-repair smaller houses that occasionally become available. so. i'm underwhelmed but determined to make this work.
i heard back from my doctor about all that blood they've been taking from me. turns out my babe has no risk of strange genetic abnormalities. excellent.
also, i finally heard back from a doula! i've contacted probably a dozen women in whitehorse in the past month. three have written back to say they're unavailable, and i've received no response from the rest, until last night! a woman named lillian will be available to assist in my labour (if i choose). i've emailed off my list of questions, and am eagerly awaiting the reply. much like buying a house in the yukon, it's a bit disappointing not to have a choice here, but she seems really wonderful and i think it's going to be a good fit.
pregnancy is going swimmingly. my appetite is starting to return with a vengence, which i'm pretty excited about because if you know me, you know how i love to eat.
i'm 17 weeks along right now and i think i feel some movement, but i don't really know for sure. i sometimes feel a definite, indescribable and sustained sensation in what i figure is the right spot. i mostly experience this if i'm reclined, either lying down or leaning back against paul on the couch. so. i'm cautiously excited about that! i look forward to the next dr's appointment, when i hope to finally hear a heartbeat.
ultrasound in 3 weeks time. now THAT is exciting! while i'm down there i'll also be checking out the celebration of swans. i'm really looking forward to that!
last night i had a dream about demon babies. it was scary. that's stephen king's influence. one of the main characters in the book i'm reading is currently carrying a demon child, conceived while she was using sex to distract a demon while her friends pulled a little boy through a magical door from one world into another. no big deal.
Saturday, March 26, 2011
direction
much to some peoples' surprise, i'm really enjoying pregnancy. physically, i feel great: if it weren't for my growing abdomen and the fact that i haven't had a period in 4 months, i would doubt that i'm even pregnant. also, being pregnant has really motivated me to maintain healthier habits. i think my diet is probably more balanced than it's ever been. aside from walking the dog every day, which i normally do, i've been lifting weights and doing some yoga stretches, too. i'm very focused on having a completely natural childbirth, in any position but flat on my back, and i know that getting in the best shape possible will help me to that end.
mentally and emotionally, i'm really comfortable and at peace with this turn my life has taken. through much of my adult life, i've asked myself the question "what is my purpose here?" i've always felt like i should be doing "something" with my life. formal education and a career didn't happen, and although i go through bouts of creativity, any kind of dedication to writing and being a writer has also not happened. finally, though, i feel as though i've got a real direction. i never thought i'd be that person...never thought i'd WANT to be that person: "A MOM". of course i get satisfaction and a sense of accomplishment from my job, and from pass times like cooking, birdwatching and hiking...but none of these have ever felt like the stuff of legacy. i'm beginning to wonder if that's a big part of why i feel so accepting of this pregnancy and coming child...because it's exactly what i'm supposed to be doing in my life.
it's given me a different outlook on the world. in the past, and just recently, i've wondered how i could effectively raise a child in a world that i don't have much faith in, but today while i was out walking, i thought about how wonderful it's going to be to teach a child about this world, to share it all with someone who's experiencing it for the first time...all the beautiful, and all the ugly, too. i saw a bird today that i'd never seen before (american dipper) and just that simple thing brought me a lot of joy...it made me think about seeing each and every bird again for the first time, through my child's eyes...
of course my kid could end up hating birds, but for the first few years, they're coming along birdwatching whether they want to or not! strapped to my back to start with...
mentally and emotionally, i'm really comfortable and at peace with this turn my life has taken. through much of my adult life, i've asked myself the question "what is my purpose here?" i've always felt like i should be doing "something" with my life. formal education and a career didn't happen, and although i go through bouts of creativity, any kind of dedication to writing and being a writer has also not happened. finally, though, i feel as though i've got a real direction. i never thought i'd be that person...never thought i'd WANT to be that person: "A MOM". of course i get satisfaction and a sense of accomplishment from my job, and from pass times like cooking, birdwatching and hiking...but none of these have ever felt like the stuff of legacy. i'm beginning to wonder if that's a big part of why i feel so accepting of this pregnancy and coming child...because it's exactly what i'm supposed to be doing in my life.
it's given me a different outlook on the world. in the past, and just recently, i've wondered how i could effectively raise a child in a world that i don't have much faith in, but today while i was out walking, i thought about how wonderful it's going to be to teach a child about this world, to share it all with someone who's experiencing it for the first time...all the beautiful, and all the ugly, too. i saw a bird today that i'd never seen before (american dipper) and just that simple thing brought me a lot of joy...it made me think about seeing each and every bird again for the first time, through my child's eyes...
of course my kid could end up hating birds, but for the first few years, they're coming along birdwatching whether they want to or not! strapped to my back to start with...
Thursday, March 17, 2011
...and another thing
i suppose, like people laying their hands on my belly as it grows, i must get used to the unsolicited advice i now receive on the daily. what i find most amusing is that the advice is coming from the mostly intoxicated people i spend most of my evenings with.
"quit working at the bar or your baby will be screwed up!"
"eat more beans!"
"rub olive oil on your stomach"
"take all the drugs they offer you"
"you were meant to do this, just let it happen"
"don't lift that keg!!"
i find this all to be touching, infuriating, and hilarious.
what really gets my back up, though, is not so much the advice as the people who now tell me how i feel or how i should feel. the people who tell me how i'm going to behave in all of this.
for example:
"don't be silly. once you have the baby, you're not gonna want to use cloth diapers. you'll be too exhausted!"
this next one just made me shake my head, the kind of idiot's logic you can't bother to argue with:
(again, regarding cloth diapers) "that means you'll have to wash, like, 14 cloth diapers a day! it'd be cheaper just to buy towels at the thrift store and throw them out!"
??
the cloth diaper thing bugs me. granted, if i don't have laundry facilities, i'm pretty sure i won't attempt cloth. but if i do end up with access to a washer/dryer, i don't see why i wouldn't use cloth most of the time. these people telling me that i'm "not going to want to" don't know that i've been using cloth pads for the last 9 or 10 years. i'm already very comfortable with the idea of reusable. it would be stranger for me to buy and then promptly pitch the pampers.
or towels, for that matter.
on an unrelated note (well, related in that it's about pregnancy and childbirth), i've been thinking about NOT finding out the sex of little ziggy at the ultrasound...and also i've been thinking about interviewing doctors in whitehorse. i want to learn everything i can about hospital procedure and i want to choose the doctor who's going to be best for me.
so much to think about! good thing gestation is 9 months. sheesh.
"quit working at the bar or your baby will be screwed up!"
"eat more beans!"
"rub olive oil on your stomach"
"take all the drugs they offer you"
"you were meant to do this, just let it happen"
"don't lift that keg!!"
i find this all to be touching, infuriating, and hilarious.
what really gets my back up, though, is not so much the advice as the people who now tell me how i feel or how i should feel. the people who tell me how i'm going to behave in all of this.
for example:
"don't be silly. once you have the baby, you're not gonna want to use cloth diapers. you'll be too exhausted!"
this next one just made me shake my head, the kind of idiot's logic you can't bother to argue with:
(again, regarding cloth diapers) "that means you'll have to wash, like, 14 cloth diapers a day! it'd be cheaper just to buy towels at the thrift store and throw them out!"
??
the cloth diaper thing bugs me. granted, if i don't have laundry facilities, i'm pretty sure i won't attempt cloth. but if i do end up with access to a washer/dryer, i don't see why i wouldn't use cloth most of the time. these people telling me that i'm "not going to want to" don't know that i've been using cloth pads for the last 9 or 10 years. i'm already very comfortable with the idea of reusable. it would be stranger for me to buy and then promptly pitch the pampers.
or towels, for that matter.
on an unrelated note (well, related in that it's about pregnancy and childbirth), i've been thinking about NOT finding out the sex of little ziggy at the ultrasound...and also i've been thinking about interviewing doctors in whitehorse. i want to learn everything i can about hospital procedure and i want to choose the doctor who's going to be best for me.
so much to think about! good thing gestation is 9 months. sheesh.
Thursday, March 10, 2011
dreams
been dreaming quite a lot lately, and remembering them.
snippets i recall from last night:
taking refuge from some unknown monster in a basement bathroom somewhere. first i broke open one of those little silica gels packets and spreading the contents across the doorway. there was someone else with me, we were preparing to make a stand against the monster....i think the silica gel was supposed to be a repel the thing. anyway, the other person was crouched in the bathtub and i was crouched by the counter, a pair of sharp scissors clutched to my chest, waiting for the locked knob to start turning...
in another dream i was walking around a huge, uknown university campus, looking for something...eventually i ended up taking a combined creative writing/math exam. i hadn't been to the class in months and i had no understanding of the math component. i've had variations of this dreams before, always a math exam for a class i stopped attending. i always end up wondering why i even bothered to show up for the exam.
okay. back to the dishes.
snippets i recall from last night:
taking refuge from some unknown monster in a basement bathroom somewhere. first i broke open one of those little silica gels packets and spreading the contents across the doorway. there was someone else with me, we were preparing to make a stand against the monster....i think the silica gel was supposed to be a repel the thing. anyway, the other person was crouched in the bathtub and i was crouched by the counter, a pair of sharp scissors clutched to my chest, waiting for the locked knob to start turning...
in another dream i was walking around a huge, uknown university campus, looking for something...eventually i ended up taking a combined creative writing/math exam. i hadn't been to the class in months and i had no understanding of the math component. i've had variations of this dreams before, always a math exam for a class i stopped attending. i always end up wondering why i even bothered to show up for the exam.
okay. back to the dishes.
Wednesday, March 9, 2011
pep talk
so i just got a phone message to call the doctor's office...i call them up, and the lady on the phone goes right into how i have an appointment on whatever day in april at 1:30 and i'll have to have a full bladder and then i stopped her and said "wait...what is this for?" an ultrasound, apparently. i'm super annoyed with my regular doctor right now. annoyed enough that i feel that i don't want to see her when she gets back to work. when i got back from mexico, i saw her in the final couple of days before she was taking a few months off. she was incredibly rushed and hurried (read my chart wrong several times, had to take my blood pressure 3 times because she kept forgetting to write it down)...anyway, she sort of left me hanging. i haven't been back to the doctor's office since i saw her in january. so i explained this on the phone just now and was informed that i should have been coming in for monthly check-ups. GRR! so i've got one of those next tuesday, and an ultrasound in a little over a month.
i understand that this is partly on my shoulders, and i've been intending to phone and find out if i need to see a doctor in town any time soon...but i feel like this is also very much their responsibility. it's not like i've ever been pregnant before. anyway, all will be well, i suppose. just highly unimpressed right now is all.
i've been all right. feeling a lot better physically, but this winter business is really gettin' me down. i'm having a very hard time staying motivated, and having satellite television included in my rent isn't helping the situation. it's so easy for me to sit down in front of the t.v. and lose several hours out of my day. there are dishes to be done, floors to be swept, firewood to be moved, plus a million other things i could be doing besides watching iron chef, dr. phil or 16 and pregnant. although that last is pretty entertaining. i bought myself a set of weights last time i was in whitehorse and also an exercise ball because i figure i want to start "training" for this incredibly huge task looming ahead of me...namely LABOUR. but of course i haven't taken those things out of their packaging yet. i can, however, tell you that iron chef cat cora won battle venison and ferreh's mom is a controlling bitch. ridiculous.
SO. time for a little bit of discipline. because i'm pretty sure that it's gonna come in handy once i have a baby to care for. the other shitty thing about this lack of motivation is that after spending a couple hours in front of the t.v. i feel guilty and i beat myself up for all the things that remain undone. i can't get that time back, though, so i'd best stop mourning it.
gotta shower now and try to get in a better headspace for work.
it's still cold at night but warms up nice in the day. bright blue sky, beautiful sunshine...winter's last gasp. i can not only survive it, but thrive in it!
i understand that this is partly on my shoulders, and i've been intending to phone and find out if i need to see a doctor in town any time soon...but i feel like this is also very much their responsibility. it's not like i've ever been pregnant before. anyway, all will be well, i suppose. just highly unimpressed right now is all.
i've been all right. feeling a lot better physically, but this winter business is really gettin' me down. i'm having a very hard time staying motivated, and having satellite television included in my rent isn't helping the situation. it's so easy for me to sit down in front of the t.v. and lose several hours out of my day. there are dishes to be done, floors to be swept, firewood to be moved, plus a million other things i could be doing besides watching iron chef, dr. phil or 16 and pregnant. although that last is pretty entertaining. i bought myself a set of weights last time i was in whitehorse and also an exercise ball because i figure i want to start "training" for this incredibly huge task looming ahead of me...namely LABOUR. but of course i haven't taken those things out of their packaging yet. i can, however, tell you that iron chef cat cora won battle venison and ferreh's mom is a controlling bitch. ridiculous.
SO. time for a little bit of discipline. because i'm pretty sure that it's gonna come in handy once i have a baby to care for. the other shitty thing about this lack of motivation is that after spending a couple hours in front of the t.v. i feel guilty and i beat myself up for all the things that remain undone. i can't get that time back, though, so i'd best stop mourning it.
gotta shower now and try to get in a better headspace for work.
it's still cold at night but warms up nice in the day. bright blue sky, beautiful sunshine...winter's last gasp. i can not only survive it, but thrive in it!
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