Saturday, March 26, 2011

direction

much to some peoples' surprise, i'm really enjoying pregnancy. physically, i feel great: if it weren't for my growing abdomen and the fact that i haven't had a period in 4 months, i would doubt that i'm even pregnant. also, being pregnant has really motivated me to maintain healthier habits. i think my diet is probably more balanced than it's ever been. aside from walking the dog every day, which i normally do, i've been lifting weights and doing some yoga stretches, too. i'm very focused on having a completely natural childbirth, in any position but flat on my back, and i know that getting in the best shape possible will help me to that end.

mentally and emotionally, i'm really comfortable and at peace with this turn my life has taken. through much of my adult life, i've asked myself the question "what is my purpose here?" i've always felt like i should be doing "something" with my life. formal education and a career didn't happen, and although i go through bouts of creativity, any kind of dedication to writing and being a writer has also not happened. finally, though, i feel as though i've got a real direction. i never thought i'd be that person...never thought i'd WANT to be that person: "A MOM". of course i get satisfaction and a sense of accomplishment from my job, and from pass times like cooking, birdwatching and hiking...but none of these have ever felt like the stuff of legacy. i'm beginning to wonder if that's a big part of why i feel so accepting of this pregnancy and coming child...because it's exactly what i'm supposed to be doing in my life.

it's given me a different outlook on the world. in the past, and just recently, i've wondered how i could effectively raise a child in a world that i don't have much faith in, but today while i was out walking, i thought about how wonderful it's going to be to teach a child about this world, to share it all with someone who's experiencing it for the first time...all the beautiful, and all the ugly, too. i saw a bird today that i'd never seen before (american dipper) and just that simple thing brought me a lot of joy...it made me think about seeing each and every bird again for the first time, through my child's eyes...

of course my kid could end up hating birds, but for the first few years, they're coming along birdwatching whether they want to or not! strapped to my back to start with...

2 comments:

  1. "Ontario" GrandmaMarch 26, 2011 at 5:13 PM

    Having a child is one of life's greatest joys. I'm so happy that you are reveling in your pregnancy. Enjoy every minute of it Tara, it goes by so quickly. I can't wait until you feel that little one kicking and moving around, it's an absolutely amazing feeling. You are going to be such a great mom, simply because you LOVE. And just think, someday you may be sitting in my shoes, reading a blog from your child, talking about how great it is to be passing life on! I LOVE IT!!!!!

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  2. That third paragraph almost made me cry.

    Wishing I could go hiking with you and touch your belly and give unsolicited advice (in person) - J

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