Feeling grateful...

...for the man I am so happy to call my husband and father of my child. I still remember the first real face-to-face talk we had after I learned I was pregnant. P was adamant that he did not want children. But he accepted my decision as soon as I made it, and I think it's safe to say that he hasn't regretted a single moment since. I feel blessed to have a partner so open to change, and so willing to learn new things about himself. It has been a joy to watch him grow as a father, and I am so curious to see how baby #2 will change the whole dynamic!

It has also been wonderful to see my own father with Aedan. I had no idea he'd throw himself so whole-heartedly into grandfather-hood. Aedan and I are both so lucky to have these men in our lives!

I love you both so much, happy father's day!

Twenty-one months

June 13th marked 21 months of little Aedan living on this earth. I can't believe how fast the time has gone! Just what is he up to these days?

He's started to put two words together. "Heavy" is his current preferred descriptor: heavy rock, heavy stick, heavy truck, heavy bus, heavy poop(!), heavy bottle. He's also started experimenting with "hot": hot coffee, hot tea, hot sun. I think "sun" and "sunshine" are my new favourite words in his vocabulary! He makes himself understood so well...to Mama and Daddy, at least. He now points to my belly and says: "baby!", but I'm not convinced he doesn't just think that's the word for belly.

Over the past week or so, Aedan has become enamored of the "wee-wee" (television). We don't have cable or satellite, but we do have a few dvd's. He loves "Mo-nee" (Nemo) and we've watched it I don't know how many times. I'm conflicted about this. I want to limit his screen time; I don't want him zoning out in front of the television all day. And he asks for it all.the.time. To the exclusion of the books he so loved up until now. However, I tell myself that we have control over what he sees. He isn't taking in any advertisements, no violence beyond what is normal in nature. I tell myself this is a little phase he's going through. Sometimes, I can distract him with a book or blocks or going outside. But often, "Mo-nee" is all he wants. Sigh. It doesn't feel worth an argument.

It's not all movies, though! He does really love to go outside, but the sun is so intense at midday, so we usually try to get out early in the morning and again before dinner. We walk in the woods, where he picks up every stick and rock, gives it the once-over, and throws it into the trees. He loves throwing rocks, and we have to make sure he's throwing them away from people and dogs. It's impossible to reason with a toddler, so for now we mostly let him do what he will, so long as he's not causing any harm. He also likes to go down to the "gar-wah" (garden) to see what's new each day.

We've settled into a nice summertime rhythm. Aedan still naps once in the late morning, and is usually down for the night by 8:30. He still nurses to sleep and upon waking, and occasionally throughout the day for comfort. As ever, he is a delight to share my days with, and I learn so much from him!

A little bit of everything

I've been away from this space for what feels like a long time. That's because I've been enjoying every minute of sunshine and warmth we've had since we shook off the last of winter's snow. And being this close to the summer solstice in the North, that's a lot of minutes of sunshine!

Since the river broke on May 15th, we've had some very high waters. Our friends in the Rock Creek community have all had to evacuate their homes as the waters rose into their yards and swirled around their houses. Along the roadsides, many of the ditches ran high with water; in some places, it came level with the highway. Even in town, people talked of the possibility of flood (though it was just talk). The ferry landing was underwater, the walking paths by the river were all washed out. Huge trees can still be seen sweeping along in the currents: it is a dangerous time to be on the river. Most of the snow seems to have melted off the hillsides, though, and the water levels have dropped off significantly.

The leaves have all popped, and the wildflowers are budding and blooming. Purple spikes of lupine flash among the green and along the roadsides. The Jacob's ladder has just begun to open its little purple-blue flowers, and the bearberry is hung with tiny, pink bell shaped fairy-flowers. The labrador tea looks to flower soon, as do the bluebells. Our little hillside in front of the house will be covered in fireweed again this year, too!

We've been passing our time outside, trying to clean up the yard bit by bit, raking and burning brush. The area we cleared for the garden last fall is a mess of rocks and chewed up trees, it is incredibly overwhelming but I've been managing it by cleaning it up in sections. I hope to put in another 4 raised beds soon, and plant them with a green manure crop of red clover. It's hard to get much done with a toddler, though! He needs to be watched carefully with the dogs, as his gentle pats can often quickly turn to grabbing handfuls of hair and jowl and yanking with all his strength! I often spend a good part of the day just wandering around the property behind Aedan, helping him jump over logs, watching him explore the world. No complaints there!

I've been taking him to the pool regularly, too, and I'm happy to report that he's loving the water this year. The other day P and I were there together with him, and we got him to put his face in the water and blow some bubbles! Shortly after that, he lost his footing and dunked right under. He was on the verge of losing it, but we acted like it was no big deal and he decided it must not have been.

Sunday we're heading to Whitehorse for another midwife appointment. I'm finally showing a respectable baby-belly, and the little one is making their presence well known with kicks and pokes!

The other little one is waking from his nap...I'll try to post some photos later.

On the verge

Today was the first day we could really feel that summer is almost here. It was hot and sunny, with huge clouds like castles in the bright blue sky.

The leaves are so close to popping...there is a glimmer of green, like a haze over the hillsides and in the willow thickets along the highway. In our own yard, swollen buds have begun to  unfurl. The brief rainfall we had yesterday seems to have urged everything along. There are tiny yellow-green flowers on the soapberry bushes; the fireweed, bluebells and lupine are all pushing up out of the dark earth. 

My heart sings along with the birds: it's here! it's here! it's here!

One of those days

Today was one of those days when Mama hoped to get much accomplished, but Baby had other ideas. The weather has (finally) been beautiful, and I'm anxious to get the garden ready for planting. Our last frost date is June 6th, but I know a lot of people who take their chances and plant out before that. I'd at least like to get my seeds sown this weekend, if not a few other started plants.

All I wanted to do was get the manure mixed into the raised bed. That's all! It seemed like a small enough job, and I was sure Aedan could keep himself occupied while I got to it. Goodness knows there are plenty of rocks to be thrown around by little hands, down in the cleared mess I hope to one day call a productive vegetable garden. But he was absolutely not having it. He wouldn't stay with me, no matter how I tried to entice him. I found myself getting so frustrated, because I had plans and he had different ones. Why does he always get to win?

I admitted defeat, and followed him where he wanted to go. We ended up back at the house, playing with his little metal watering can, scooping and pouring water into a big black tub (and throwing some rocks in, too, for good measure).

As I sat in the warm sun, listening to the birds and the wind in the trees, the tinkling of the water and the babbling of the babe, my frustration melted. I let out a big exhale and my shoulders relaxed. Sometimes we must be reminded by the littlest ones to slow down, to step outside of our expectations, and just let the day unfold as it will.

As it happens, Aedan went down for a nap just as P got home from work. So he lay down with him, while I got to shovel manure. Happy day, indeed!

A new day

It turns out that spending a day indoors, wallowing in self-pity, and eating way more refined sugar than usual, doesn't make a girl feel any better. 

So today, with warmer temperatures in the forecast, I've decided to list some of the things I'm feeling grateful for these days.

- Yesterday's wintery storm bringing all sorts of birds down in the yard. Aedan and I have loved watching them scratching around for food...

- A beautiful chorus of birdsong this morning...

- The local pool being open, and Aedan really enjoying his first dip of the season...

- P getting up early this morning to start a fire in the woodstove. It was so nice to wake up to a toasty warm house...

- P finally getting to feel the baby move while we lie quiet in bed...

- New glasses on the way...

- Lots of flowers, both annuals and perennials, filling the kitchen and waiting to go into the garden...

- Rosehip syrup in my tea...

- The local food movement: being able to buy fresh eggs year round, the chance to get some pastured meat put by this fall, the farmer's market and the community around it...

- Patience, and the clarity of mind to recognize life's lessons...

- Ideas and inspiration...

- The love of my family.

I dream of leaving

Yesterday, I was outside raking the yard in the sunshine. I was moving my tender seedlings onto the porch to begin hardening them off. I was thinking about where I want to plant the new flowers I picked up at the Gold Show on Friday.

Today, there is about 8 cm of snow on the ground, and more falling from the colourless sky.

Maybe it's this never-ending winter, or maybe it's something more, but I spend more than the usual amount of time dreaming of a life lived elsewhere. P and I have talked about leaving the Yukon 5-10 years from now, but I find myself wishing it could happen sooner than that. I long for milder winters and more than 90 frost-free days a year. I want to be out in my garden now, I want to see green things growing and to feel the warm sun on my shoulders.

It's more than just this winter business, of course. I wish it were easier to get local food more of the year. I'm not comfortable with how far our produce travels to reach us. The farmer's market will be open next weekend, but the first vegetables won't be available for almost another month. Living here just doesn't seem to jive with so many of my values.

I try to focus on the positives: the tight-knit community, and the fact that people are trying to farm here....but I know these things exist outside of the Yukon, too.

For now, though, I must accept where I am and make the best of it. I will support the local food movement as much as I possibly can. We will improve our little homestead, make ourselves comfortable for as long as we remain...but I will continue to dream of greener pasture.