Something I didn't realize about blogging: it's as much for me as it is for all of you. It's strange that I didn't realize that until a few days ago, when I read back over my year's posts. It was an eye-opener to read the things I felt compelled to blog about, and to notice the things I left out.
I feel like in the last year I've begun to come to terms with the path my life has taken: with motherhood and with bush life primarily. Being a new mama is isolating in and of itself...being a new mama who lives 40 km from the nearest town, with no close neighbours, takes that loneliness to a whole new level. Missing from this blog are those feelings, the blues I felt many days, the total craziness of spending days without talking to anyone other than my baby or my man. I didn't want to live here, so far out of town. But here I am today, and I'm loving it.
I've come to love the peace and quiet life in the bush brings. I've come to love the solitude, the feeling of freedom and independence. More than anything I've come to love the space we've got. We have 5 acres to call our own, but those 5 acres are surrounded by thousands of acres of forest, river and mountain. I think I'd feel claustrophobic if we moved to town now. Whereas before I felt trapped here, now I feel free and full of possibility. It's a wonderful change and I'm grateful for it.
I regret that I didn't record those feelings of loneliness, though. Not here, and not in my paper journal, either. I think it's just as important to include the darkness with the light, to give balance and a truer perspective. I hope to use this space more freely in the coming year, recording my days openly and honestly, as much for myself as for those of you reading.
My hopes for 2013 include making good use of this land we're on, growing some of our own food and keeping chickens. I hope to continue on my path to eliminating toxins from our daily life, from how we wash to the food we eat and the pans in which we prepare it.
I want to make creativity a big part of my life again, writing and taking photographs and creating with my hands.
I want to fill my life with light and love and positiveity. I want to nurture my soul, and in so doing, nurture those closest to me.
Wishing you all the best for your own endeavours in this coming year!
It is interesting how you become hoooked on blogging. I have never kept a journal or diary, but I have been able to keep up blogging for over six years now. I love looking back on the stories and the ups and downs over those years.
ReplyDeleteYour plans for 2013 sound perfect, especially the part about the chickens! Very envious. :)
Happy New Year!
I know those feelings of isolation. We are much closer to people but days go by where I only speak to our little family here. It's taken me a good year to finally appreciate solitude and actually at times, wish we were further out. Lol
ReplyDeleteSometimes I wonder if I share too much on my blog, I open myself often. Then I become guarded and stop blogging altogether. Finding the balance is so hard.
Ty for sharing your feelings. It's nice to know there are others out there that feel similar. There are blogs I read where life always seems perfect. I know lives aren't perfect and those who share their struggles make it so much easier to relate to. Ty again.