Lessons

Something I am reminded of frequently as I go through my days with a little one is the importance of being flexible. No matter how much planning I might do, no matter how smoothly I may envision something playing out, Aedan invariably has other plans.

We imagine a lovely family portrait lit by the warm rays of the setting sun, but instead, Aedan is crying when we hold him, wanting only to run around on the grass waving a stick.....

I bundle us both up against the cold to take the dogs for a walk on a beautiful, clear afternoon, snuggling him into the pouch of my amauti parka, but for some reason Aedan is terribly uncomfortable on my back, and he cries until I cut the walk short.....

After dinner, I heat kettles of water to give him a nice bedtime bath in front of the wood stove, but after a few minutes in the tub, he begins to cry and lift his arms to me, ready to get out.....

It can be so frustrating to see my plans changed so completely, and at times it's hard not to take it personally.  I think I invest so much in the idea of an activity: how nice it will be to walk in the woods, packing my baby on my back, or give him a bath by the wood stove; I forget sometimes that he is developing his own preferences, and right now crying is the only way he has to voice a difference of opinion.

In the moment, trudging through the woods with a screaming baby on my back (or whatever the situation may be), I remind myself to take deep breaths, to have compassion and empathy for what this little person is feeling, to stay in the moment and not lament what could have or should have been. Because it's not always going to be just as I imagine. Aedan is not me, and he lives very much in the moment. 

I am learning to let go of all expectations, and just let things unfold as they will. When I do this, I end up experiencing some other beauty or joy that I hadn't planned on. 

I never imagined that a baby could teach me so much about life!

All about Aedan

On our way to Ontario, we had a stopover in Vancouver, to check in with our "team" at the B.C. Women and Children's hospital. 

The appointment went really well: Aedan's A1C (a blood test that shows a 90-day average blood/glucose reading) puts him in a non-diabetic range. This means that his blood sugar is very well controlled with the 5 mg dose of Glyburide. If we continue to maintain these levels, his chances of suffering the long-term effects of diabetes are basically the same as a non-diabetic. 

He still has high readings in the mornings, though, often followed by a crash 2 hours after he takes his pill. We decided to try splitting his dosage up into 3 times a day: a 1/2 pill with breakfast, 3/4 mid-afternoon, and 3/4 before bed. Today is day 3 of this new routine: Aedan adapts so easily, but of course it's taking me some getting used to. 

It means if we're going out in the afternoon, I have to have a syringe with the dissolved pill prepared with me, plus a snack to go along with it. The morning and evening doses have been tricky, too, because he still hasn't gotten back onto a normal sleep schedule, after our travels.

I'm grateful, though, every day, that it's only this we have to deal with. In comparison to what other families go through, it seems incredibly easy. We're lucky that his particular form of diabetes is recognized and easily managed.

While we're on the topic of Aedan...he's learning so much every day! It is such a joy to be able to facilitate that learning, and to watch him practice new skills.

I mentioned in this post that he enjoys "putting" things...well, his putting has gotten quite refined just lately! He's begun to stack blocks (rather than just knocking them down), and he enjoys playing with a set of nesting cups. He's also learned to fit objects onto a peg, like these wooden rings. 

In the last 2 days, I've noticed him walking backwards: this he does (slowly and carefully) with a huge grin on his face. He's quite the stair climber, too!

Lastly, his signing just blows me away. He signs for milk and more....he uses more as a general purpose "I want" sign: he'll sign "more" and then point to something he desires. He also signs "dog", by patting his chest. It should be his leg he's patting. I read that it's common for babies to learn this sign by patting a different part of the body at first. He also signs for books. Now we're working on "hot", "eat", "drink", and "outside". 

He's also picked up a hilarious shrug from me, when something or someone disappears.

A parcel with his winter gear has arrived at the post office: we're off to town to pick it up today. I can't wait to watch him play in the snow!

Home

Phew! We've just returned from 3 weeks of visiting family in Ontario, with a side trip to Vancouver, British Columbia, to visit with Aedan's doctors. I love love living in the Yukon, but getting in and out of this territory is a real ordeal!

But I will never complain about a chance to visit family.

It does my heart good to see Aedan playing with his grandparents, his aunties and uncles and cousins.
It does my body good to have a break from my own housework.
And it does my tummy good to savour the variety of foods we lack here in the North.

But it is always so good to finally come home! My feet were tired of walking on pavement, my eyes were tired of looking at endless tall buildings, and my ears were tired of the constant hum of a busy city.

It's lovely to look out the window and see only trees! Granted, the trees are now bare of leaves and covered in snow (whereas in Ontario, they were just beginning to burst into radiant autumn colour).

I missed the steady warmth of the wood stove, and the smell of baking bread. I missed the mountains and the quiet and even the cold!

And of course, I missed this blog, too! It's good to be back. I have lots of catching up to do!

Love letters from Toronto

Dear Blog,

I miss you terribly!

We are visiting family in Ontario right now. We'll be home in a week. I look forward to catching up with you then!

Love,

Bush Mama (in the big city)

xo

This Moment - Bath Time

Today I'm joining Amanda of SouleMama for this moment,

A Friday ritual. A single photo - no words - capturing a moment from the week. A simple, special, extraordinary moment. A moment I want to pause, savour, and remember.

Orion

Licensed under Creative Commons

Last night around 3 am, I grudgingly stumbled outside to the outhouse. It had been overcast when we went to bed earlier, but when I looked up, I saw that the clouds had cleared off. I switched off my headlamp, and stood in the yard beneath a breathtaking canopy of stars.

Low on the horizon, I could see my favourite constellation, Orion. I love this one because it is so easy to spot, from anywhere in the world. The perfection in the way the belt stars line up blows my mind. And the total absence of light pollution where we live means that Orion's nebula is really easy to see with the naked eye, and even more stunning with magnification.

This constellation derives its name from Greek mythology. There are several versions of the story, but the one I've seen most often goes like this: Orion was a giant and a famed hunter, said to have descended from the sea-god Poseidon. Due to his heritage, it was believed he could walk along the bottom of the sea. 

He fell in love with a woman named Merope, who lived on the island of Chios. One night while drunk, he became violent and forced himself upon her. In anger, her father Oenopion blinded him. Orion made his way east, into the rays of the sun, which restored his sight. 

On his way back to the island to seek revenge, he met Artemis, the goddess of the hunt. They fell in love, and some stories claim she intended to marry him. Apollo, Artemis' brother, was concerned for her chastity, and so one day, while Orion was out walking in the sea, Apollo challenged Artemis to hit a black spot bobbing in the waves (Orion's head). Not realizing it was her love, Artemis rose to the challenge, and killed him. Grieved, she implored Zeus to immortalize Orion in the stars. 

Orion is followed by Sirius, the dog star, and this is another of my favourites. One of the brightest objects in the sky, Sirius sparks and flashes with colour. In mythology, Sirius is one of Orion's favourite hunting dogs.

Am I just a total geek, or do you have a favourite constellation, too? What do you love to see in the night sky?

Doubts and Fears

This post has been brewing for a couple of weeks now. I just need to write it out, work through it, and move past it.

Wasn't it just yesterday that I was loving my hopes and dreams of the future?

On days like that, I imagine a huge vegetable garden in high summer, overflowing with ripening vegetables. There are chickens pecking around between the beds, eating the bugs off the plants, clucking contentedly.

And then, magically, it is fall time and those chickens are all dead, their feathers disappeared, the meat neatly packed into a chest freezer to feed us through the winter months, alongside moose, butchered and packed.

The produce has all been processed. It lines my (currently non-existent) pantry in neatly labelled mason jars, or in just as neatly labelled bags in the freezer.

I am settled in front of the woodstove, a stew simmering away in the cast iron dutch oven, knitting, while Aedan plays with a sibling or two quietly at my feet. I am assured in my self-sufficiency, in my ability to provide chemical free, sustainable and ethical food for my family, year-round.

Missing from that idyllic snapshot are the hours spent building those raised beds, planting them and tending them all summer long, hauling water for them (because we don't have water on the property). Missing is my fear of being up close to birds, of handling birds. Missing is the beheading of the chickens, the blood, the feather plucking. Missing are the inevitable failures I will encounter along the way.

I keep asking myself: can I really do this? Do I have what it takes? Do I truly understand the amount of work that will be required of me? I'm not sure I do.

The only way to find out will be to jump in and get my feet wet.

The books all say to start small, and of course I know that. I must hold that in my mind. A couple of raised beds next year. Our food for the summer months, certainly, and hopefully some put by for the winter, too. Maybe a few chickens. Maybe.

Or maybe I'll just learn to catch a fish.